Here is the birthday girl celebrating turning three!
Here I was....three years ago. The best day of my life. Emma looked at this photo Friday morning and said, "Mama, that is not me! That's not my face." Me: "Yes it is baby. That's the day you came out of mommy's tummy." Emma: "Um, mom, I'm not a baby anymore. I'm growing up!"
*sigh* It has happened so fast and just like a flash my baby girl is now 3. I can't believe it. =( I looked back at a post that I wrote when she was just a few months old and thought I'd re-post it here to see if any of my initial thoughts had changed at all.
1. Flat out, I LOVE being a mom. I look at Emma and am SO filled
with happiness. I spend a bagillion hours a day with her, but I never
get tired of looking at her. She is just amazing.
Well, I still pretty much love her like crazy.
2.
Emma is a pretty great baby, most of the time. Until I figured out the
issues with the foods in my diet, Emma had some pretty crazy tummy
issues. I didn't realize how fussy that made her until I see how calm
she can be now. Poor baby just couldn't tell me what it was upsetting
her. So this whole experience has made me feel a TON of emotions.
Good mom because......breastfeeding is the "BEST" thing for your baby
Bad mom because.........something that I am personally eating is upsetting my poor child
Good mom because......I worked SO hard to figure out the whole diet thing and she is better!
Bad mom because.........I sometimes feel so pissed about all of the things I can't eat.
Good mom because......I have persevered through this whole complicated job of being Emma's provider of food.
Bad mom because.........I think about giving up breastfeeding on a daily basis
Yeah,
no one really explained to me how challenging breast feeding can really
be. Fortunately Emma takes bottles from daddy every night now, so I
have a break from having to feed her ALL the time. I sometimes feel that
formula would be so much easier.
It is nice to reflect on how difficult breastfeeding was as I prepare to bring a new baby into the world soon. Hopefully the experience I had with Emma goes better with #2, but we will see. I am also glad that I am no longer her sole provider of food. THAT was pretty taxing on me.
3) I tear up
every time I think about having to take Emma to daycare in September. I
feel so blessed to experience every moment with her right now and am
very sad that will be changing soon.
Daycare was hard at first, but she really loves school and all the socializing. I'm glad she adjusted so very well. Hopefully she adjusts just as easily when she starts her new school (and hopefully mommy adjusts too!)
4) As much as I love being home with Emma right now, I could not do this forever. Some days I
miss
adult human interaction. Don't get me wrong, Emma's cool and all, but
it's still pretty lonely sometimes. We've had tons of visitors and I try
to go out as much as possible which has been a lifesaver. Larry takes
her a lot just to give me a break. It's nice to be able to leave her
with him so I can go out by myself for a few hours. I NEED time away
from her sometimes. That kind of makes me feel bad. Plus I really miss
working. My kids really do mean the world to me.
Ironically, this hasn't changed. I'm glad I work and that I changed jobs this year so I can spend more time with her. I need work in my life to be a better mom to her. I am greatly looking forward to my first summer off ever this year (24 school days to go!) and time to spend some quality time with my girl while it is still just her.
5)
I have gotten pretty frustrated with Emma at times. I've had to be that
mom that puts the baby down and walks away for a minute. I am to the
point where I am okay to have to hear her cry sometimes. Unfortunately
on days like today where I am going on Migraine Day 3, her crying has
made my head want to explode and I feel like my patience are really
wearing thin.
Three is a challenging age. Reminds me of these early days when my head wanted to explode. Now instead of crying, she talks back and negotiates. Fortunately we have trained her to take breaks in her room now too so we don't all kill each other. LOL.
6) I've definitely had those
thoughts on hard days of, "What the heck have I done? My life was so
much easier before." And then Emma smiles at me and I remember why I
have her. =)
There is nothing her smiles still don't fix. On the roughest days, I rush home just to get some love from her.
7) Being a wife and a mom is hard.
While I have tried to keep a balance, being a mom sure occupies most of
me right now. Emma is my first priority and being her mom exhausts me.
Staying bonded with Larry is so important because we both agree that we
need to maintain a strong marriage to be better parents to Emma. He has
been slammed with work and I've been so tired, it's become less frequent
that we even eat together at the same time because our dinner time is
when Emma refuses to sleep or be set down. I would say 6 until 9ish is
her "fussy" time. Sometimes that time of day can be a big pain in the
ass. Back to my original point, Larry is an awesome dad. He is great
with the baby and helps out with her tremendously. Seeing him as a dad
has made me even more proud to be his wife. I can't believe that this
October will mark our 10 year anniversary...5 years married. *smile*
I still struggle to find the right balance in my life, especially now being pregnant again. I am so exhausted most of the time, it is hard to be who I need to be for everyone in my life, especially for Larry. I hope I can get better at that, since I seem to only know how to always put the kids first.
8)
I don't miss sleep as much as I thought I would. But since Emma has
been sleeping longer stretches at night, I am sleeping a bit more now
these days. Too bad Emma grunts through the ENTIRE night sometimes,
which does not make any stretch of sleep too restful. Trying to get her
on more of a schedule now so my life can have SOME predictability.
Well, I can't say I am looking forward to going back those tiring newborn nights now that I have a big girl that sleeps all night in her big girl bed. I guess we all magically adjust when we have to!
9)
While pregnancy was very kind to my body, I hate how everything fits me
right now. Its not so much that I mind carrying around 10 extra pounds,
but more that I just hate that everything I own is too tight due to my
now wider hips and milk-filled bosom.
I really can't complain. Pregnancy was and IS good to me. After I had Emma, my only "battle scars" were incredibly saggy boobs (which were miniature to begin with anyways!) With Baby #2, I have very few complaints.
10) I
can't wait to see what her future holds and to watch Emma grow up. I
never long for the day that she is older or doing something more
advanced because I want to appreciate each moment. They really do go by
quickly.
The growing up happened so much faster than I really could've imagined. I felt like I cherished every minute with her but it all passed before I could take a breath. I am so proud of the little girl she has become. She really is the best gift I could have ever asked for!
